“ Abusive People are Always easy to Recognise “ - A Dangerous Myth



Abusive people are not always easy to recognise. This is something we need to understand. We usually think that abusive people are mean and controlling. It feels better to think that we can see when someone is going to hurt us. The truth is actually pretty scary. A lot of people seem nice at first. They do not look like they are going to hurt anyone.


A Illusion of Charm


A lot of people seem nice and friendly. They seem confident and fun to be. They seem caring and really interested in you. This is not an accident. Abusive people do this so you will trust them quickly. Sometimes they even do things like love bombing. They show you a lot of love and attention at first so you get really attached to them.


Why they’re hard to recognise


1. Abusive people do not start being abusive right away. Abuse usually happens slowly. At first everything might seem perfect. Which makes it harder to notice when things start to go

2. Abusive people can be one minute and controlling the next. Sometimes they are nice to you. Then they criticise you. They try to control you. They stop talking to you. This can be really confusing. It makes it easier to ignore the things they do.

3. Abusive people know how to act in public. A lot of people are really different when other people are around. They are nice and respectful. When they are alone with you, they can be mean or controlling. This can make you doubt what is really happening.

4. Manipulation is not always easy to see. Things like gaslighting can make you question what is real and what you really think or feel.


The Risk of this Myth



The problem with thinking abusive people are easy to recognise is that we might trust the people. We might feel bad because we did not see the signs sooner. We might not notice the things that are actually red flags. This makes us focus on the things.


What actually matters


What we should pay attention to is how someone acts over time. We should look for things like when they are mean or controlling all the time. We should look for when they do not take responsibility for what they do. We should look for when they try to manipulate our feelings. We should look for when they do not respect our boundaries. It is what someone does over time that really shows who they are. Not how charming they seem at first.


Conclusion


Abusive people are not always easy to recognise. A lot of them seem nice and trustworthy at first. Which makes them harder to recognise. The truth is, it is not how someone seems at first that matters. It is how they treat you over time that really shows who abusive people are. Abusive people are not always easy to spot. We need to remember that.


For more content stay connected with Psychology: Myth vs Reality by 

Tanya Kakkar

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