Psychology: Myths vs Reality

  Jealousy is something people think shows love. They think if someone gets jealous, it means they really care. This sounds nice. It can be wrong and hurtful. People feel jealous sometimes. That's normal. We all feel this way now and then. When you feel a little jealous, it can mean you're scared of losing someone you love. You need to feel safe with them. You're emotionally attached. When jealousy gets too much or happens all the time, it's not about love anymore. ~When Jealousy Turns 1. It's About Controlling Someone When someone is extremely jealous, they often: * Watch their partner's every move * Don't let them talk to others * Ask them to tell them everything they do This is not love; it's someone trying to control you and saying it's because they care. 2. It Comes From Feeling Insecure Most of the time when someone is very jealous, it's because they don't feel good about themselves. They're scared of being left alone. They need peo...

Abusive people are not always easy to recognise. This is something we need to understand. We usually think that abusive people are mean and controlling. It feels better to think that we can see when someone is going to hurt us. The truth is actually pretty scary. A lot of people seem nice at first. They do not look like they are going to hurt anyone. A Illusion of Charm A lot of people seem nice and friendly. They seem confident and fun to be. They seem caring and really interested in you. This is not an accident. Abusive people do this so you will trust them quickly. Sometimes they even do things like love bombing. They show you a lot of love and attention at first so you get really attached to them. Why they’re hard to recognise 1. Abusive people do not start being abusive right away. Abuse usually happens slowly. At first everything might seem perfect. Which makes it harder to notice when things start to go 2. Abusive people can be one minute and controlling the next. Sometimes they...

  I think we all believe that we can figure out what someone is like by looking at their face. We look at someone's face. We think, "They seem trustworthy", or "They look arrogant", or "They seem kind", or even "They look dangerous". The truth is, science says that's not really how it works. A face doesn't really tell us what someone is like. ~Where Did This Idea Come From A time ago people thought they could figure out what someone was like just by looking at their face and body. This was called 'physiognomy'. People used to think this was a thing, but now we know it's not. ~Why We Think Faces Tell Us What Someone Is Like 1. First Impressions Our brains are wired to make decisions so we can stay safe. When we look at someone's face, we make a decision about them in a few seconds. We look at things like the following: * The way they look at us * If they make eye contact * If their face is symmetrical But these are our ...

I have heard people say this many times: “Just wait a while and you will feel better.” People think that time is like a cure that makes the pain go away and brings back happiness. When bad things happen to us, time is not enough to make everything okay. ~What Time Actually Does For Us Time gives us some space from the things that happened. Time can: * Make the bad feelings less strong after a while * Help us remember the things less often * Give us time to think about what happened to us Just because we have some space does not mean we are okay and everything is fine. ~Why Time Alone Does Not Fix Trauma Fixing ourselves is something we have to work for. It does not just happen because time is passing.  We have to do things to fix ourselves. Time will not do it for us, not for our trauma. 1. Our Feelings Are Still There If we do not deal with our feelings, they do not go away.  They just hide inside us. They can come back later as the following:  * Feeling anxious and scar...

I think many people believe that when you have more people making a decision, it will be a better decision. This is because a group of people can bring together ideas and experiences. In theory this sounds good. In reality it doesn't always work out that way. ~The Promise of Collective Thinking Group decisions can be better when: * people share their thoughts and ideas * people think carefully about their decisions * people talk openly about what they think When these things don't happen, something else takes over. ~The Problem: Groupthink There's something called Groupthink that psychologists talk about. This is when people want to agree with each other so much that they don't think about what's real. Rather than talking about ideas, people start: * agreeing with each other too quickly * not saying what they really think * avoiding arguments ~Why Groupthink Happens 1. Fear of Standing Out People may be afraid to say what they think because they don't want to * ...

We think that we are in control of what we do. That every decision we make is thought out. It makes sense. This idea gives us a sense of clarity and control over our lives. Our lives feel more predictable when we think we know what we are doing.  Our minds are complicated. They are like puzzles that we do not fully understand. The mind is a thing. ~The Illusion of Self-Awareness The idea that we know ourselves is not always true. People come up with reasons for what they do. They are not always right about why they do it. Sometimes we make up reasons after something happens to make it seem like it was an idea. This is related to the idea that we think we know more about what's going on in our minds than we really do. Our minds are tricky. The mind is tricky. We do not always know what is going on inside the mind. ~The Power of the Subconscious The power of the mind is something to think about. A part of what we do is influenced by things that happen without us even realising it. In...

We have all heard this: "Trust your impression."  It feels like our gut knows the truth before we can even think about it. The truth is, first impressions are quick, not always right. First impressions are formed fast. ~How First Impressions Form When we meet someone, our brain starts making judgements about them in time based on things like * Appearance * Body language * Tone of voice * The situation we are in This way of thinking is what thin slicing is about. Thin slicing is about our ability to make decisions based on information. Is thin slicing useful? Yes, it is. Is thin slicing always right? No, it is not. ~The problem with making judgments 1. They are driven by our biases. Our brains use shortcuts to make decisions, which can lead to mistakes like the following: Halo Effect. When we think one good thing about someone means everything else about them is good.  Confirmation Bias. When we look for information that supports what we thought about someone from the start....

People really like the idea of a psychopath being someone who's easy to spot. Someone who is mean and scary. We see characters like Patrick Bateman in movies and TV shows. We think that's what a psychopath looks like. That's not really true. ~What Psychopathy Is: Psychopathy is not about looking mean. It's a way that some people are, and it's studied by people who understand how our minds work. People who are psychopaths often have some things in common, like: * They do not care about people's feelings. * They are very charming. It's not real * They like to manipulate people * They do things without thinking These things are not always easy to see. ~Why Are Psychopaths Not Easy to Spot? 1. They Can Be Charming Some people with traits are very good at talking to people and making friends. They seem to be: * Confident * Fun to be around * Good at convincing you of things They can make you think they are trustworthy and even that you like them. A psychopath can...

  Silence is often misunderstood. When we're in a group, we quickly think someone who is quiet is shy or awkward. That says more about what we think they should be like, not what they really are. The truth is, being quiet can mean things, and none of them are bad.  ~Quiet ≠ Shy ≠ Antisocial Being quiet is what someone does. Being shy or antisocial is who someone is. These things are not always the same. Someone may choose to be quiet; they are not afraid. They may like to listen more than they like to talk. They may not feel like they need to talk all the time. ~There are reasons why people are quiet: 1. They are trying to understand. Some people like to watch and listen before they talk. They notice things that other people do not see. They only talk when they have something to say. 2. They are focused on something. Being quiet can mean someone is thinking deeply about something. Whether they are working or talking to someone, quiet people may be very focused on what they're ...